"undetermined"

Chalice Level:  undetermined

Wow, a lot has happened since it has been a while since i have written. At this point I feel I am in "undetermined" status because my life is in "undetermined" status.

The big things are that my husband still has not found a job, so I found one instead. The pay is debatable since it is a commission job. I do like the work though, I have always been pretty good with sales. I am working for a portrait studio selling the pre-sale packages so that they can get people in the door. My first days was 14, which I have been told is a LOT! I have not done as well since then but I have some ideas about how to market it and even use it as a fundraising tool.

I find myself very irritable at my husband, I am not really sure why though. I don't know if it is because i am so stressed out over money etc. or if it is because I am aggravated with him and his seemingly lack of much of an interest outside of his own needs, or if it is just that I am perceiving it that way.

So the issues with the Ball continue, I am greatly stressed out at the fact that ticket sales are not coming in nearly fast enough and I wonder if I will have to cancel the Ball. A lot of how I feel like my status is "undetermined" is based off of this problem. I am so desperate for help that I even emailed Sully Erna via Laurie Cabot. But no surprise I have not heard back as of yet, and its been about a week.

A lot is going through my head as far as this issue with the ball goes. The first is that I was certain that the Goddess was helping me along the way with the breakup of the original members. Now I wonder if I was wrong since it is so close to falling apart. The money for the different aspects of the ball is due on September 30th and as right now, I have no clue how it is that I will be able to raise or borrow several thousand dollars by the end of the month. Our family is struggling bad enough as it is at the moment.

Another thought is the "what if's" of if I do have to cancel the ball. What would be upsetting to me and in what order of importance would those things be upsetting to me?

1. Letting down all the people that have purchased tickets
2. How I will pay those people back the money they have invested
3. Dealing with the wrath of the one shop owner that was so mad before
4. The snickers from the ex members of my organization
5. The failure of getting my organization off the ground
6. The failure to the community as a whole for my organization not accomplishing what it set out to do, which is to give us a place to worship in our own state.
7. The very strong interest to help  my community (and vicariously myself) and that not being able to happen.

So the truth of the matter is that I think it goes in this order: 2, 1, 4, 3, 5, 7, 6

At least at the moment that is what I think the order is. All of the things are so prevalent in my mind at the moment, it is hard to figure out what is what in my head as far as importance.

I did contact someone in the community that I have had interactions with in the past and it is very possible that this person is wealthy enough to help out. He sounded interested in helping but I know that his family has had several very expensive medical issues this year so I am not sure if their finances are as good as they were in the past. He did not flat out tell me no though, so that is a good sign. I am supposed to do a conference call with him on Wed. morning since I don't have a car to make it out to where he lives. But since I will be borrowing my Mother in laws car on Wednesday to pick up Wendy Rule (finally) from the airport I might be able to meet with him in person which would be the preferred way of doing it. I will give him a call tomorrow to find out if we can do that. Keeping my fingers crossed that he is able and willing to help out.

The next big thing is that Wendy Rule has finally gotten her Visa issues fixed and she is arriving at the airport on Wednesday!!! Yippie! It has been a long haul to get her here, but I am so excited to finally be able to meet her and listen to her music in concert!

OK, I think my brain is tapped out for the moment.

TTFN